The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
