And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
love makes seman taste better
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
