just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
