Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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