While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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