one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
