why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
