If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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