i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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