The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
