Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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