my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Be still, my beating vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
