So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
