Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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(216): View more from Ohio

There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.

Fav 23 1405 4224
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(312): View more from Illinois

dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

Fav 22 1228 8674
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(517): View more from Michigan

I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

Fav 14 1422 5252
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(720): View more from Colorado

Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

Fav 5 3201 2386
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?

Fav 9 1896 2477
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(801): View more from Utah

It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.

Fav 5 1924 1110
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

Fav 0 598 761
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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