Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize