he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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