I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
