I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
