I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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