sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
