I cockslap morals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
