how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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