My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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