i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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