So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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