if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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