I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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