i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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