the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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