so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
