They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My dick has a subreddit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
