you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
