You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
