How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
