is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then my night got REAL pukey
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
