My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
