You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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