I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
