I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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