I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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