You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
