Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
and you fell through a lawn chair
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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