My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why didn't you poke me back
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
