Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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