You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
