I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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