I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
