smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
