i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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