question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
