you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
