Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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