she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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