You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
