He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
