Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
