woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
