I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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