We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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