Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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