So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
