Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
