my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
